Variety Apartments
by Fuzzy Hat Of DOOM
Summary: When Orochimaru and Kabuto get kicked off Naruto, they decided to live in an abandoned apartment building with many of the other characters that were kicked off as well. Crackfic, OOCness. Hiatus.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Bleach, or Ben 10

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The Rise of Variety Apartments

by Fuzzy Hat of DOOM

"Are we their yet, Lord Orochimaru?

"Shut up, Kabuto."

Orochimaru and Kabuto trekked across the sandy dessert. Er, desert. After being kicked out of the producer's office due to the fact "that one of you is _dead,_ and the other is clinically _insane!"_ they had been allowed to keep the clothes on their person and one other item. Orochimaru had kept his iPhone that had taken five years of his wage to pay for. As for Kabuto, his choice was obvious. He took his beloved computer he had named Miss Stardust and Unicorns. It was his companion wherever he went.

"My sources tell me that there's an empty apartment building nearby where we can live," Orochimaru said as looked at the map on his now only possession.

"Look, Lord Orochimaru!" Kabuto pointed his finger, "A building! Is that our destination?"

"Kabuto that's a McDonalds."

A few days later, after Kabuto and Orochimaru had walked in numerous other deserts, swam across all seven seas, and eaten at every fast food place in America, they finally found what they were looking for.

"Variety Apartments," Kabuto read out loud. Orochimaru and Kabuto walked warily inside. "Hey, it's not that bad!" Kabuto grinned. The floor promptly disintegrated beneath them.

The two companions held on for dear life. "No! My beloved computer Miss Stardust and Unicorns is too technologically advanced to die!" Kabuto screamed as he hurled the computer through the open doorway.

Finally, with lots of groaning, heaving, and cries of "Oo! My back! I'm too old for this..." they scrambled out of the hole in the ground. After that experience, Kabuto was too afraid to enter the apartments, so Orochimaru was forced to do it by himself. After a good half-hour of clutching a computer and shivering in Kabuto's case, Orochimaru finally emerged to give Kabuto the news.

"Out of the thirty units, only three are still livable."

**CRASH!**

"Make that two."

Racing to the other side of the building, Orochimaru and Kabuto were greeted with a strange sight: a huge snake, towering above all three stories of the building. Two figures were perched on the head of the beast known as Lord Manda, and as the larger one jumped down first, a cry was heard.

"Yo, fellow evil bad guy dude!"

As the two figures landed on the ground, Orochimaru and Kabuto were surprised to see, walking towards them, were...(dun dun dun!) Zabuza and Haku!

"Why are you here?" Oroichimaru asked suspiciously.

"Well yo," Zabuza started, "After we were killed in like the 16th episode, yo, we tried to find new jobs yo, but Bleach thought that a guy with no eyebrows yo and a guy turned girl wouldn't be very interesting villains yo, and Ben 10 wouldn't even look at us yo."

"So we followed you!" Haku said hyperly as he skipped in circles around Kabuto.

"Hey, stop that!" Kabuto commanded.

Haku's grin grew. "Okay!" he said, grabbed Miss Stardust and Unicorns, and ran.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kabuto screamed in terror, "GIVE MISS STARDUST AND UNICORNS BACK! YOU'LL BREAK HER!"

"No!"

A few hours later, Haku, Zabuza, Kabuto, and Orochimaru all sat down for dinner. Zabuza had pulled a lollipop from seemingly nowhere and given it Haku in exchange for him returning Kabuto's computer. Just as Orochimaru was about to dig into his pita bread and hummus, a knock sounded at the door.

"Yo, Haku, home slice, if you go get the door, I'll let you cook pancakes tomorrow for everyone," Zabuza stated.

"Okay!" Haku jumped up ran to the front of the building. After a few grunting and panting noises, he returned a few minutes later carrying the door with two confused men trailing behind him. "I got the door! I also let the two people standing outside it in! They looked cold!"

"Um..., yo, Haku. It's a figure of speech. When I say, 'open the door', it means to open it and see who's behind it yo."

"Oh," Haku's face fell, "Do I still get to make pancakes tomorrow?"

Zabuza thought for a second. If he said no, Haku wound stay up all night crying and screaming yo, and he (Zabuza yo) wouldn't get a wink of sleep. That was bad. "Yes yo."

The two men introduced themselves as Itachi and Kimimaro. They said that after trying to drive a car, they crashed into a Chuck E. Cheese and now the law was after them because they didn't have insurance. "I mean, we didn't _know _we needed insurance! It was so much simpler in Japan." Kimimaro finished.

"You do realize that you need insurance in Japan, right?" Itachi stared at his companion.

"You do? Well... crap," Kimimaro muttered.

After an awkward silence, Zabuza pulled a random generic television series from one of his hidden pockets. " You want to watch it, yo? Yo, it's so generic!"

"Ah, generic-ness! That's exactly what I need!" Orochimaru said gleefully, "there's nothing like a little generic-ness to keep you wide awake!"

Kimimaro sniffed in disgust. "I'd rather not rot my my brain with something like _that_! It's just too generic! I want to sleep, which room do I get?"

"Hmmm...," Haku thought, "Well there are five rooms available, and twenty-seven of us, so that's ten people per room!" He smiled in triumph.

After much debate, it was decided that since there were _six _ people and _two_ rooms, _three _people would share a room. However it didn't end up that way. The reason?

"Yo, how many people are afraid of Haku?"

Have I said enough?

Zabuza split one room with Haku, and the other four men were forced to share the last room. Orochimaro called the bed, Kabuto got the little stack of hay at the base of said bed, Itachi got the little stack of hay in the corner, and Kimimaro would be sleeping in the stack of hay in that other corner, but not tonight. The reason?

"Well, Itachi, the reason I dislike that you are applying another coat of nail polish, is because it gives me nightmares. Why? Because in my previous life, I was a little girl that had a dog named Toothbrush, and Toothbrush was run over by a car at the same time I was painting my nails neon pink."

So Kimimaro slept in the tree outside. Poor him. The mosquitoes got a good dinner that night.

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**I'm sorry that this is so short! I wrote this awhile ago, and then I had to retype/rewrite this entire thing, because at first it was SUPER short. My friend had the original idea for this, but she let me use it, so kudos to her. I'm going to visit my grandparents soon and THERE'S NO INTERNET THERE! Sob... **


End file.
